This evening we ventured up to the neighbors for a quick dip in their pool. I went to step in on the pool stairs with Wylie in my arms and slipped, totally wiping out in a would be completely embarrassing story of way if I still cared about being cool, smashing my elbow grossly hard and catching the top of my foot somehow as I went down. Wylie ducked under the water in my arms for a second or two but was totally fine and proceeded to enjoy his time only to have to be coaxed out with cookies when it was time to head for bed. I hung in during our dip, trying to figure out it my arm was broken and deducing probably not due to the only slight swelling and my ability to feel everything for the most part, and wiggle my fingers without any shooting pain (that's the doctor's daughter in me;)).
Nonetheless as quick as it happened, it still "wasn't pretty to watch", as hubby put it.. with total concern about my well being of course. No honey. I am not bashing you here :)
He also noted that my entry was "a little hot"...
I mean, maybe I could figure he meant how super hot I was looking in my swim gear or maybe he meant something else...???
What's that you say?? Hot as in RUSHED?? Come on now, I'm always so calm, cool and collected. A regular cucumber over here.. Who do you think you're talking too..?? ;)
Whether he was appreciating the view at any point or not, he was totally right, and not just on the pool entry bit. Even on that note, thinking back to the moment I can feel myself just cruising along. Eager to get Wylie in the water because I knew he would be loving it and likely distracted by thoughts of what I might get done after bedtime, since of course they would totally crash after a swim right...?? All of this notably useless thinking, since this has been part of my daily struggle for weeks on end.. an after bedtime "to do" list that never has and probably never will get done. Thinking all day about how I'll knock that off the to do list after bedtime, with bedtime turning into a two hour trial of trying to get to brothers who now share a room to knock it off and go to sleep. Such futility all around yet over and over, resistance to what is and ridiculous expectations take over time and time again...
Really, as far as the fall goes, I am totally fine. Probably a nasty bruise to come, but already feeling much better after a little applied EO blend of lemongrass, marjoram and cypress with a side of vodka :) Hey, it's friday night after all. Sipping my drink and listening to the prattle from the boys, I sat in my kitchen quietly, knowing there was a message here, but it was actually hubby's words that really nailed it for me.
I mentioned a post or three back that I had found some wonderful child care back in the spring for a couple of days a week for the boys. At the time I knew it was temporary. The space just happening to be available for a few months with a super duper stellar caregiver. The plan had been that I was going to get my ginormous to do list in order during the "free" time. It would work out perfectly. By the time summer came I would have my shit together and would be good to go, fitting what I had to do work wise in an hour or so a day somewhere between finally managing to get up before my kids in the morning or finally being able to function after bedtime enough to be semi productive.
It's crazy that I haven't said it outright here before but all of this stuff that I am "trying to get done" is about building a sustainable heart centred business based on sharing what I have learned in my journey. At my core, my purpose outside of being a mother, is that of coach and healer. Reiki has shown me that and been a huge part of healing myself so that I can release the blocks that hold me back from stepping into my truth.
The thing is, I'm also a full full FULL time at home mama to two devastatingly handsome, charming, kind, hilarious, busy and demanding little men... and about to work on a third because you know, have to at least "try" to balance out the hormones around here..
SO. Suffice to say. It's been...
I have written this post in my head pretty much every day for the last month (at least). The one where I just say, "hey friends, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE and I just want you to know that it's time for yogi mommi's next evolution and we'll be on a bit of a hiatus for a month or two but will be back with all kinds of awesomeness that will totally BLOW YOUR MIND."
I had no time, I hemmed and hawed about how to say it, and did house work instead. It wasn't hard to skip over this "arduous task", I had created for myself when I was SO BUSY with the twenty other things I had going on in my head around this "business" that thankfully was actually somehow breaking about even thanks to the fact that the one thing I did make some pretty nice real progress on in a totally joyful manner was my reiki charged jewelry business, Studio Santosha.
For a while I questioned whether or not I should have been spending so much time making my jewelry when "everything else" also seemed so pressing. By "so much time" I mean, with the majority of the time I had away from the kids in those three month of bliss (did I say that ?? ;)), outside of the course work I tacked on about a month in.
Seriously though, once I had the help, I didn't remember how I did without it..
and then it's wasn't there anymore, so now I totally do.
As I mentioned in this post, I kind of fell into the official school part of things in April. Ads for Abundant Yogi kept showing up in my Facebook feed and so eventually I choose to take it as a sign and made the call for an interview. Not really knowing a whole lot about what the call would entail, other than potentially give me some pointers as to how to get over myself and get on the whole how to market your business thing.
I have had a pretty clear vision of what I was trying to create for myself and my family for quite a while. The thing was I knew I had some majorly deep rooted hangups around my fears of putting myself out there in the way I was feeling called to be. Upon qualifying for the coaching session/interview after the preliminary call, I still thought I was just going to speak to someone and probably hang up the phone after an hour or so with a bit more direction in the "how to get over it and market yourself gosh darn it" department. As I listed to the introduction, explain Abundant Yogi's programs, I was blown away by how clearly they were speaking to me and connected I felt to their vision. By the time I got to the interview I knew the Life Style Design Coaching program was exactly what I needed to do. After two hours on the phone with Craig Ward we both knew it was a perfect fit.
And just like that, I was in. The crazy part was, as much as I have known that I was going to be a coach one day, it had been at least a couple of years since I had actually thought about it amid the whole being a mama and being all over the place with my gazillion aspirations outside of that gig. As far as the course went, I thought I would fly through the material over those couple of months I had left of my help, and be ready to rock by the time I was back into full time mommy mode for the summer... Website revamped, about/info pages explaining my journey and why I do what I do, blog posts/videos/audios written and recorded at least twice a week, yoga workshops at least conceptualized, course work totally completed, jewelry sales blazing away, social media under my thumb, you know, after I learned all about how to actually leverage it...
Of course, it worked out nothing like that, and part of my learning has been accepting that this is totally OK and acknowledging that I accomplished more in those three months in this department, than I have in the last three years. This program and the people in it, was a godsend in so many ways. I want you to know, I haven't even gotten to the "technical stuff" yet. In fact I have only gotten through the "self" stuff. The part that I know will make the rest just fall into place. The part that I know will help me help others transform their lives in a similar way. It's letting go of the fear of judgement, in any and all forms. It's claiming my power and knowing it is my birthright to create the life I want and realizing that my purpose is to help others do the same.
Of course, I still suffer from a serious case of "I WANT IT ALL RIIIIIIIIIIGHT NOW!!!!!". I have been working really hard to not try so hard :) To just let it flow and be and honestly, all things considered...
I'm totally kicking ass at it.
In a total "human being" kind of way ;)
Anyways, you guys I'm just so unbelievably thankful to you for taking the time to read here. LIKE SO GRATEFUL. I feel like I want to apologize for being such a slacker here, but I know I don't really have too and I also know that I'm really pumped for this next phase of this space I hold so dear. Truly it is my first baby.
I'm also SO looking forward to introducing you to all the people that have helped me on my journey so far and sharing the amazing things I have learned to help me finally peel away the layers and learn how to truly live. Life is meant to be about thriving, not just surviving. We are all entitled to this gift. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. When we realized that about ourselves, we start to see it in everyone else too and THAT is when the real magic happens.
I'll be posting at least one more time here with another fabulous guest piece from mama t that I have to publish, and then most likely the next time you hear from me here will be when the new site is ready to move into, hopefully by the end of summer/early fall. In the meantime if you don't already, we would love it if you would keep in touch on facebook and/or instagram.
Oh and Studio Santosha is also on facebook and instagram in case you want to keep up with the goodies there also :)
OH and I HAVE to thank my angels for slamming my elbow on that pool stair. I get it. Slow down. Let it flow and enjoy the ride...
and write the damn post!!! ;)
Yes siree, that all it is folks...
Before we jet here's a little peek at how ours is going these days...
Namaste friends :)